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Tuesday, June 23, 2009

It's an oral fixation type of thing

She had never forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle marked `poison,' it is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later.

Sometimes she scolded herself so severely as to bring tears into her eyes.



I'm back, I've been away sort of but not necessarily with my head hung low. You see I had a relapse, not an alcohol one but a food one. I did not eat sugar unless you count the day I had sugar free chocolate pudding (4 portions). I've been eating off program for a week now and I've put on 4 pounds as a result of it. It's not good but believe me when I binge I can put on 20 pounds in a weekend so I will take the 4lbs and smile.

I'm back to the plan as of today. What have I been binging on? peanut butter sandwiches, it's so weird how they would literally call me to eat them. Oh and chili. I think because I ate the peanut butter on healthy whole wheat high fiber bread I didn't do too much damage since it filled me up. Though eating 4 to 6 slices of bread is definitely considered a binge, for me it's still progress. The fact that I would not under any circumstances eat anything sweet is a miracle in itself. I would eat to be full and never enjoyed the feeling. I was missing something orally, I don't smoke and nothing seemed to satisfy me so I had an oral fixation and food seemed the answer. You know what's weird, it never seemed to satisfy me so I know its an emotional thing. Anything bothering me lately? Nothing important other then hubby and I want to move, our rent on the farm just went up $200/month and he's working longer hours and I feel a bit overwhelmed but nothing more then that. It's true, I don't think I'm too worried or more worried about stuff then before. Who knows, what's important is that I deal with it and get back on plan now, not tomorrow, not Monday but now.

While all this was going on I had so much to write to you, I wish I had because a lot of it escapes me right now. I wish I would write when the feeling hits me but its usually at a time when I'm not at my desk or when I'm working.

That is it for now, I will be back, I just wanted to let you know where I've been and what I've been doing.

"This blog is so much more then writing about my weight loss journey it has become an extension in helping me know who I am and who I can be."