Look What I've Accomplished!

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Saturday, September 20, 2008

Chairs and Toilets who'd a thought!

Look at this chair, just take a look, it seems like your average lawn chair right? Look you even have a place to put your water or pop. It looks like a fantastic and practical chair all around except when you're morbidly obese, it's a very scary thing.

I decided to go to the party with my husband, I found a ride there so I didn't have to drive (I don't like to drive, I really need to create a blog just based on all my fears). So my first challenge was not the chair, no it was a buffet of good food. I took salad but you know the kind of salad they served; potato, macaroni, green been and so much more fatty foods. But I ate them slowly (whilst fighting wasps for my food at the same time) and then came the desert. I have yet to turn down a desert in my life I'm not ready just yet. So I asked hubby to get me some desert knowing full well he'd be moderate about choosing sweets for me whereas I would be a glutton. He brings me this rice krispies square with a high ratio of sugar and a brownie. I don't like rice krispy treats but I being a sugar addict started with that one. It was good, once I finished I went for the brownie but I felt that little sugar rush, you know what I mean, where the sugar starts searing through your blood and you feel like you could hit a physical peak. So I did the one thing I've never done before, I gave my husband my brownie and said no more desert for me, I remembered too well the cheeseburger caramel pie fiasco and I don't ever want to feel like that again.

Now back to the ever practical lawn chair, poor hubby is offering me a seat beside him, but I'm petrified of sitting on it because what if I break it, what if I can't fit inside the chair, what if it rips. So I avoid sitting for hours, my feet were sore and I could barely stand it, then I saw a woman who looked to be my size (maybe bigger, maybe smaller, my perception is really off where size is concerned) and she sat in a chair just like that. I thought hmm, she didn't break it, it handled her weight, so I'll give it a shot, so I proceeded to sit in the chair and did not miraculously break it, BUT! I had to get out of the chair now didn't I. The handles were of soft material so that was not a pretty sight and I truly believe the both times that I sat down on those chairs when I got up I heard a ripping sound but I pretended I didn't hear it.

There were so many uncomfortable moments for me at this party, so many normal reasons to want to be thin. I'll finish with this, I had to go to the bathroom, it was so small (or I was so big) I had to sit on the toilet on an angle and well it wasn't a pretty site. I felt like a giant on a kiddies toilet. I would need one of those Great John Toilets for plus sized people.

All I'm saying is that after yesterday's party I saw so many more reasons to be thin, reasons that are important for normal function in the world like sitting and going to the bathroom. I rode with hubby on his Harley and almost pulled a muscle trying to get on the bike. It's not fun and its quite humbling and humiliating all at the same time.

Oh, before I forget as soon as I arrived at the party, this woman said to me "God you're beautiful", I was so shocked I said "pardon me?" and she said "You are absolutely beautiful". I thanked her and walked away, I wouldn't have minded continuing the conversation on my beauty but didn't find it really appropriate. :-D

I'm off to revise my list on the reasons to be thin and thanks for dropping by.


"Knock-Knock"! Who's There? "The Sugar Monster!!"

Ok, I decided to write about it instead of doing it (so far that is). Hubby and I were invited to an event today and yesterday we had decided we didn't want to go, we were going to chill at home. Then this morning hubby woke up and changed his mind, he wants to go and ride his Harley to the party. I have ridden on the Harley at this weight last year but with so many deers running in front of bikes and cars I've opted to let the fear of deer and my weight keep me from going to the party. Now that's not the current issue, though it obviously is a huge one, me letting fear run my life, I'm aware that its not right but lets get to issue at hand.

The evil Sugar Monster was knocking on my door, telling me that whilst the hubby was out at said party eating hot dogs, burgers, brats etc. why don't I drive to get me some sugar i.e. Little Debbies, any cake will do, hot dogs or whatever tickles my tongue fancy. I know that sugar causes me some serious anxiety issues so I'm not totally committed to listening to the little monster (I could safely call him a big monster) but I'm tempted, as tempted as one can be to bite into something fatty and sugary.

But! There's a voice another voice that is that's talking to me and telling me to remember what I felt like the other night, when I was suffering anxiety attacks, fearing I'd have a heart attack, fearing I'd die alone (since hubby will be gone). Then there's another voice saying "but you're only starting on Monday, this might be your last hurah" last hurah alright it might just kill me.

I got received a comment from Mizfit and in that comment
she says heres to a good weekend and an amazing start of a new lifestyle monday (or today? maybe??)
That comment had me thinking, today? maybe?? hmm do I need to wait for monday to start my new lifestyle. The power of positive suggestion is amazing, its the reason I haven't hopped into the car and started on my sugar monster plan, that one comment made me think, it stopped me in my tracks but for how long? I don't know but I'll take for now. I'll keep y'all posted as to my progress.

Thanks for reading!

Sassle {that's me}

Friday, September 19, 2008

I'll never do that again!

Last night was date night, hubby and I went out to dinner and I justified to myself that I wasn't starting my diet before Monday September 22nd so I could eat what I wanted. As I was presented with the menu the waitress happened to mention their desert special which was order one pie and get the next one free. Yay for desert!

I ordered this burger which had what looked like breaded onions on top of it, loads of cheese, a delicious sauce and well lets just say it was fully dressed and huge so in order to fit it in my mouth I had to take out the lettuce oh and I was presented with the side choice of fries, salad or soup. I chose fries (no wonder I'm obese). After feeling full a bit more then half way through the burger I then decided to have a caramel apple pie heated up with whipped cream. I ate the whole thing.

We got home and all I wanted to do was go to bed, my tummy didn't feel well at all. I've been paranoid alot lately about developing heart disease i.e. a heart attack so that was running through my mind. I laid down for an hour and still didn't feel well, I drank 3 pop (coke zero) and went to bed 2 hours later. Then the true paranoia hit me, I felt sick, I felt like I was going to die, I felt like the whole world was over, if only I hadn't eaten all that fatty assed food.

Today I still feel weary and worried, which is why I'm a lot more careful today about what I chose to eat. I'm following the 12 step plan from Overeaters Anonymous and I'm on Step 4 and I seem to be taking an extra long time to complete this step. However, I should know better then to fear, I should hand my will over to God. I'm officially doing that right now. No more fear, no more doubt because my ways get me in trouble.

What have I eaten so far today, hmm a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios with 2% milk (it hurt my tummy). Then I had a chicken pot pie from Banquet (350 cals 25 gr fat and 2 gr of fiber) and for dinner hubby is making hot dogs and American Potatoes. I will watch my portions, I don't want to feel panicky and sick again. Even better I will ask God to remove the desire to eat huge portions.

Thanks for reading!

Sassle {that's me}

Making a List! Reasons to be thin

I was discussing with the hubby yesterday how I wanted to create a list of reasons to be thin and then create a list of reasons to stay fat. He didn't quite get the point to why someone would choose to stay fat. My point was there really are no reasons unless you like total discomfort, aches and pains (my experience so far) oh and fearing for your life i.e. heart issues, diabetes and this list goes on. But being me I had to come up with a reason and the only reason I could come up with to stay obese was that I could eat whatever I wanted, which would consist of a diet of sugar but there's a catch to that which is discomfort, aches and pains oh and fearing for my life.

So here's my list as to why I want to be thin and healthy...
  • Better Health
  • Positive Self-Esteem
  • Can do my own pedicure
  • Better sleep
  • Can ride on the back of hubby's Harley with ease
  • Self Confidence
  • Nicer clothes
  • Better stamina to do everything
  • Climb the stairs without catching my breath
  • No more body aches i.e. knee pain, back pain
  • Fit into booths at restaurants
  • Fit in rides at amusement parks
  • Fit more comfortably in my car (seat belt wouldn't rise to my neck).
The list will continue as I come up with more reasons. There are plenty, probably hundreds.

Thanks for stopping by...

Sassle {that's me}

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Oh Boy The Before Pictures

Ok, to show that I'm really serious about this I have decided to post a current pics or shall I say Before pics of me (head cut off naturellement).

This pics were taken today by the hubby. We're looking for a tape measure so that I can take my measurements and keep an online account of these. I want to take a photo of myself once a month or every 10 pounds, I'm not sure how I'm going to do that.

I obviously need to exercise my arms (suggestions are welcome) my gut and oh well the rest of my body. Hopefully by using Leslie Sansone's Walk Away The Pounds I can tone up and not just burn calories.

You'll find the pics on the right hand side if you scroll down a bit. I chose a front/side/back view.

Thanks for coming by.

~Sassle {that's me!}

Who am I?

Well, I'm just a simple girl who wants to lose weight. I used to be nice and slim, but now I'm obese but even worse then obese I'm unhealthy. I sometimes literally fear for my life. I can hear my heart beat when I lay down at night through my ears but deep breathing seems to calm it down.

I need to exercise, I need to eat right and I need to work on my self esteem, it is at an all time low. If only my weight were as low as my self-esteem (bad joke).

This blog for me is a way to make myself accountable. I first wanted to continue with what worked with me in the past which was Weight Watchers but after some thought and inspiration what I'll do is simply count calories and incorporate exercise in my daily life. The inspiration came from a blog that I read she has fought a great battle with great results so far. She did it using Sparkpeople.com. I've heard so many wonderful things concerning Spark, I've seen the success stories in a Woman's World magazine (I'll try to find out which issue) and it's FREE!

I am looking to join some weight loss blog challenges to continue with the keeping me accountable theme and as time progresses I will post my weight, measurements, calories, exercise etc...

Thanks for visiting, please don't hesitate to comment or ask questions.
"This blog is so much more then writing about my weight loss journey it has become an extension in helping me know who I am and who I can be."